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Horse Classifieds
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Event
Prospect: Big, fast horse
Dressage Prospect: Big, slow horse
Pleasure Prospect: Pretty color
Sporting
Prospect: Short, fast horse
Flashy: White sock
Big trot: Can't canter within a two-mile straightaway
Nicely started: Longes, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
Bold: Runaway
Good
Mover: Runaway
Athletic: Runaway
Quiet: Lame in both front legs
Dead Quiet: Lame in all
four legs
Pony type: Small and hairy
Arab Type: Looks startled
Thoroughbred Type: Looks terrified
Quarter Horse Type: Fat
Elegant: Thin
Black: Brown and/or dirty
To Loving Home Only:
Expensive
For Sale Due to lack of Time: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in the hospital
Recently
Vetted: Someone else found something really wrong with this
horse.
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"Will I ever be able to race my horse again"
the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied,
"You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!"
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Q. Why can't horses dance?
A. Because they have two left feet.
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A young girl decides to try horseback riding, even though
she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the girl begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for
the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up
her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled
in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the
Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.
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I
went riding today.
Horseback?
Sure. It came back before
I did.
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Horse Birthdays
Thoroughbreds all have their birthday on the same day. This makes it easier for keeping
racing,breeding and showing records.
In the Northern Hemisphere, (which includes the USA, Canada and Europe), their birthday
is January1st.
In the Southern Hemisphere, (which includes Australia, New Zealand and Japan), horses
have their birthday on August the1st.
Horse Logic Theory (Simplified)
A proof that a horse has an infinite number of legs:
By
inspection and symmetry we see that a horse has an even number of legs.
However, when we count them, we see he has two
legs in the back and forelegs in the front, which is a total of six legs.
Six is certainly an odd number of legs for a
horse.
The only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
Therefore, a horse has an infinite number of legs.
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Top 10 Signs Your Dressage Test Needs Some Work
1. Under judges remarks she writes only: "Nice braid job."
2. Horse confuses dressage
arena rail for a cavaletti; exits at K
3. Your circles shape reminds the judge that he should pick up eggs on the way home.
4.
Your serpentine was perfect, except that it was supposed to be a straight centerline.
5. Sitting trot has caused some
fillings to be loosened in lower molars.
6. Your horse believes "free walk" means leaving the arena and heading towards
the nearest patch of grass.
7. Your working trot had you working harder than your horse.
8. Your horse's response to
the canter aid is "Can't, er, what?"
9. Impulsion improves only after the horse sees monsters in the decorative shrubbery
near letters.
10. Your halt took place in the judge's lap, instead of at X.
Watch this video on "you tube!" about "Patches" the horse!
He rides in a car and goes to a fast food restaurant!
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How to Ride
JUNIOR: Daddy, there's a man at the
circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath his belly, catches hold of its tail and finishes on the horse's neck!
FATHER: That's nothing. I did all that the first time I rode a horse!
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Here's a great horse video on "You Tube", that shows dressage and jumping, too!
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Sign outside a riding stable:
"We have
big horses for big folks, small horses for small folks, slow horses for people who like to ride slow, and for folks who have
never ridden before, we have horses who have never been ridden."
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